08/28/2024
I have been mistaken, about being mistaken. After everything I've learnt, and the pains I've taken to learn. I have a knack for humbling myself, and in turn, myself punches right back. I shan't doubt again. How devastating it is when a morbid thought is yet again confirmed, something I refuse to believe reinforced. I have come to hate being right, to be frank, because I am only ever right about negative conclusions.
I wonder, if we keep being grateful for beautifying the hideous with our own inner hopes, from our own cut, how will God ever recognize our wish for better? How much until we exhaust our capacity for gratitude? And why do we praise indifference to pain? The lack of intervention? We have forgotten to express distaste as well as we express admiration. The balance of things suddenly does not apply to truth, and we must swallow as to not harm the world's ego. A simple "I don't like this" goes a very, very long way. We are allowed to despise and refuse, just as we are allowed to love and choose. Sometimes we must hate people out of respect for them. So look into the messes which do not fascinate you, and state your displeasure aloud. No sane man wants to be in the shape of this hypocrite God, yet they fall one after the other, humanity swapped for the comfort of illusion.
I have dug into the rubble long enough to be certain; there is nothing left to scavenge. There was nothing saved to our name, as we saved our most precious belongings of soul at the very tips of our sleeves, ready to offer when called for. All beauty will soon wilt away, and acceptance shall be the new joy. Before you forget the true shape of yourself, or abandon it in the name of maturity, go back for a look every now and then; keep hold of your hand, or you will grow weak and very cold. I have seen it time and time, how we will walk the way of our precedents with slightly altered beliefs and naive confidence, paper stoicism, and still die the same. I have seen the pure regret hit moments before it is all gone, and I am terrified. I am scared for everything and everyone I love.
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