UNTITLED ENTRY ONE

 

(Redi-Sc)

Life entrusted in me a vein of its infinite web of being, knowing I can only fathom as much. A delicate cut through time and perception bleeding beauty, or what has morphed to fit various things into the word. By the break of dawn, when a tidal revolving sound surfaces my head to wakefulness, heavy as all things felt, and the weight of the day presses down until I retreat to bone and cavity, life sends the sun aglow and mocking in its scorching consistency, and so I cannot bear miss it and I move, ready to hear my whole body protest. When even objects in their absurd determination to last until they deteriorate face me from every corner of my house, touched by the history of those living in it, framing the identities of a family and finding purpose in being one's surroundings, fully, I am choked by ridiculous inexplicable guilt, weakened to nausea as I inspect the architecture of my soul and realize I have lost the keys to its basement and attic. By the time morning fully settles, the day imposes its reality through the bland taste of coffee against old porcelain, the heavy shuffle of feet like sandpaper on a wall, birds that never change their songs, the subtle smell of dirt, salt and metal in the water and the satisfying coolness of it on the back of my nails, the uneven spilling of sunlight in the corridor always leaving the ceiling blue in shadow, sound that filters to noise as if through a wire mesh, and movement outside, trotting, uncaring, outside of my vision. There is no denying I love it and there is no denying it torments me, always that crack, splitting me imperfectly so that what ever time has made of me envelops an eruption I am yet to know whether of joy or anguish. In the blink of an eye I miss half of my journey from and back to the starting point, and the other half is spent observing life's gift to myself filter all things marvellous through and to my soul where they remain eternally, my own forever until I have no more room. In the blink of an eye I crystallize the memory of the day beside its indistinguishable sisters and my chest warms up with pride. In the blink of an eye I drown unwilling in my precious collectables and weep at the the thought of stepping back to behold it all...